Friday, July 10, 2015

Something I Wrote Ten Years Ago

I don't even remember writing this. Anyway, enjoy!





The world is my videogame.

            Every morning I wake up and put on my Clothes of Cold Resistance +2, this is followed by the loading of the level known as Bathroom. After I have completed that level I go through a couple of other pointless levels, they’re mostly for extra powerups but I don’t need them right now. I stumble into level 5, Kitchen, and acquire item Cereal, this isn’t in my inventory long since I combine it with another item I find called milk, together these create a single, but powerful, item known as Breakfast. Thanks to Breakfast my Strength and Constitution have both gone up a point.
            After an hour it is time to make coffee for Player One and Player Two before they wake up, this gives them +2 Speed and makes them immune to sleep effects. Due to the experience of making the coffee I level up. I learn new feats called Resist Boredom and Pour Liquid.
            Player Three, known as my brother Rob, comes back from the world map and informs me that the goats have gotten out! I rush outside there they are! I wait for things to get all blurry, indicating battle mode, but it never comes so I unsheathe my Battlestick and wait for my time bar to rise so that it will be my turn.
            It never comes, and my legs are getting tired from holding myself in a dynamic pose, so I run up and grab one of the goats, taking it back to its pasture. The loading time was horrible.
            I gain experience but then realize I forgot to put on my Coat of Freeze Resistance, I’ve been taking Ice damage this whole time! I look down to try and see how many hitpoints I have left but I can’t see them, up, down, left, right, there doesn’t seem to be a display. Well, I figure perhaps you can’t see them in the world map; I already tried opening the menu anyway.
            The day goes on, some days we travel in a car to town, why we don’t just take the airship is beyond me, other days we just sit around and do nothing. Good thing I learned my Resist Boredom, I use the feat and find a book to read.
            It’s ten minutes to bedtime and I use item Toothbrush, I have gained Resistance to Plaque for twelve hours! I walk up to my bed and wait for the “Sleep?” text to come up but it never does, what kind of video game is this? I climb into bed and fall sleep expecting a little piano tune to play.
            Tomorrow is another day, another set of levels in the video game of life.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

What I Read in 2015: Second Quarter

 Or: Will the Wind Ever Stop?

I lost track of the months here, so I'm not going to bother since there aren't too many books here.

Outpost by Ann Aguirre

This was a bit of a filler book, enough that it makes me hesitant to read the final one. The first book, Enclave, spends a lot of time making the main character badass, a lot of traveling and realization of new places and things. Outpost spends the entire time nerfing the main character's badassery (dresses and trying to fit in and hugs and kisses and panicking) as well as keeping her in a single area. The main squeeze character also spends his time emoing and staying away from her, this "OMG what if he doesn't like me anymore? Oh wait it was just a misunderstanding" business actually happens twice, and I think it only exists to force the love triangle on the readers which, again, doesn't work because her choice is clearly stated throughout books one and two. It is obvious to her, to him, even to guy #2. It wasn't a bad book exactly, but I did find the story dragging a little and with a touch of disappointment that it wasn't up to the same quality as the first book. Overall I'll have to read book three before I decide of Outpost was really worth reading or if I should have just stopped at book one. I still highly recommend book one, however, as it stands alone very well.

The Iron Trial by Holly Black and Cassandra Clare

This one is going to get "For fans of Harry Potter!" thrown around, and I actually have to agree. Imagine if, instead of Harry not knowing anything about magic, he was instead told how horrible magic was and how evil wizards were, and then was thrown into Hogwarts where he believes he's being held prisoner.

That's the premise of The Iron Trial.

I've never read anything by Holly Black and I've wanted to, but having Cassandra Clare as a coauthor made me hesitant because I am not a fan of her Immortal Instruments one bit (her LotR fanfiction that she tries to pretend doesn't exist is, however, hilarious)

It was a really good book and had a twist ending that I didn't see coming, but felt a little under my maturity level, which doesn't happen too often. I'm not exactly picky with my YA fantasy books. Still, I really enjoyed it and will be waiting for the sequel to drop in price before picking it up.

Off to Be the Wizard by Scott Meyer

Martin Banks is just a normal guy who has made an abnormal discovery: he can manipulate reality, thanks to reality being nothing more than a computer program. With every use of this ability, though, Martin finds his little “tweaks” have not escaped notice. Rather than face prosecution, he decides instead to travel back in time to the Middle Ages and pose as a wizard.

What could possibly go wrong?

An American hacker in King Arthur’s court, Martin must now train to become a full-fledged master of his powers, discover the truth behind the ancient wizard Merlin…and not, y’know, die or anything.

Scott Meyer is better known for his webcomic Basic Instructions, which I have run into off and on over the years, but never found it interesting enough to follow. This was only something I knew about after reading the book.

It's part Jumper part general wizard schooling, and part nerd. I really enjoyed it. You get exactly what you are expecting and the only reason I haven't gotten the sequel is that I feel swamped in enough books as it is, but I will definitely be considering it.

The Good, The Bad, and the Furry by Tom  Cox

This one is part cat book part autobiography about the guy who runs the Twitter account @MYSADCAT I don't read a lot of nonfiction (this is maybe one out of four or five in my lifetime) but it is very interesting. It's not all cats all the time, which makes it good. Despite being the modern era it does have a sense of country living in the 70's. It also has plenty of well described characters and scenes. I am currently looking forward to his next book.

Penryn & the End of Days Trilogy by Susan Ee

I read the first two books at the end of 2013, and could have sworn I wrote a review of them.
Stupid brain!
Angelfall was a book that I wish I had written. An angel apocalypse. It blew me away that this series was indie published and hasn't been picked up by a big-name company. It is only one of two series that I originally bought as ebooks and enjoyed them so much that I purchased regular copies of (the other being Under the Never Sky) Here's the description of the first one from Amazon:

It’s been six weeks since angels of the apocalypse descended to demolish the modern world. Street gangs rule the day while fear and superstition rule the night. When warrior angels fly away with a helpless little girl, her seventeen-year-old sister Penryn will do anything to get her back. Anything, including making a deal with Raffe, an injured enemy angel. Traveling through a dark and twisted Northern California, they journey toward the angels’ stronghold in San Francisco, where Penryn will risk everything to rescue her sister and Raffe will put himself at the mercy of his greatest enemies for the chance to be made whole again.

The last book, End of Days, finally came out. I only managed to get a page or two in before I realized I needed to go back and read the first two, I'm glad I did because each book begins right where the previous ones leave off with no timeout for exposition. It's one of those trilogies you need to read back to back in one sitting when all of them have been released.

How would I describe book three however? Merely okay, maybe a bit disappointing, but what I wasn't expecting was goofy.

There's some weirdness, I think about 20% of it was devoted to time travel filler. Penryn and Raffe travel back in time to another dimension using a person as a portal by sticking them with a sword. It wrenched me out of the story a little. Penryn also has the same exact problem that the main character in Outpost has, that of being a lovesick teen worrying whether the guy likes her or not after all.

The ending fell completely flat on its face and too early to have wrapped up nicely. I get the feeling the author got tired of writing it. Still, there have been worse endings, and the first book I enjoyed enough to be okay with the ending of the third, so it balances out. I would still recommend it to people.



I'm sure I've forgotten some, but most of my free time has been dedicated to getting Dusted published in paperback, working on The Crystal Witch, religious studies, and an entire month of free time raising some orphaned kittens (which will likely feature in another post sometime). That, and as the weather warms up, I'm going to be busy with other things.

Other...very productive things...

Saturday, June 20, 2015

When You Use a Word Too Much

Sometimes I read old blog posts of mine.

I was trying to get something smug or egotistical, but you get this because the Internet is weird.
I was reading Writing Yourself Into a Corner when I kept coming across a word. That word was "However." A few times it was okay, but after a while it started to bug me, eventually reaching the point where it was like a slap in the face. Seriously, go to that post press Ctrl + F and type "however" into the search box. I use it eight times, twice in a single paragraph!

I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but occasionally I get stuck using the same word over and over again. I was guilty of using the word "just" all the time when I wrote Dusted. I didn't let it bother me as I wrote, but afterwards I did remove about 2/3rds of them. I either removed them entirely, or else replaced them with a substitute when removing it didn't work.

These days sometimes I can catch myself using a word too often. When that does happen I don't stop using it, instead I go do the bottom of the manuscript and make an Overused Words section, which I also use for entire phrases, and keep writing without worrying I'll miss it when the manuscript is finished.

I don't have my Editing Hat on while I'm trying to wear my Writing Hat.

Don't be this guy.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Dusted Now Available in Paperback!

I'm proud to announce that, after three years on Kindle, Dusted is now available in paperback!

Dusted has so many uses!

A doorstop!

Especially for cat pee-marked ones!
A bookmark!

For itself!
A hat!

Stylish!
 A fridge deodorizer!

So much absorbance!
A house for your banana!

Wow!

 Take Dusted wherever you go, it's waterproof!*

*not actually waterpoof. Though it would be hilarious to see the attempt.

Buy it now!



Saturday, May 30, 2015

Learn From My Paperback Publishing Mistakes!


I have recently been working on getting Dusted published in paperback through Createspace. Originally the plan was to just take the Kindle version and slap it on some pages for my brother to lightly proofread. I really wish I had someone to grab me by my shoulders and scream "WAAAAAIT!" before I pressed that final button to send it on its way.


Too late, lol
So here is a list of things that I wished I had known before even making proof copies.

Make Sure You Have the Correct Version

This was my first idiot mistake. I keep old versions of Dusted for various reasons and had accidentally chosen the wrong one. I wouldn't have noticed there was a mistake if I hadn't read the first chapter. Only a single sentence tipped me off and, after a closer look, I realized my mistake. That set back the entire process by about two weeks (and almost ten dollars) as I rounded up the original copy, resubmitted it, and waited for the book to get here.

Don't Be Afraid of Marking Up your Copy

Writing in books is major taboo for me. Even my school textbooks were sacred, having been devoid of pen, pencil, or highlighter marks. The same goes for my brother. So, in order to get him comfortable with the idea of marking it up, I did the first chapter as an example. I ended up proofreading the entire thing myself in addition to my brother. I adapted quickly and, before I knew it, I was writing snarky comments about my own goofs and doodling on the margins.

No You Can't Just Slap the Kindle Version on Paper

It took me a while to figure out all of the nuances of Createspace and even then there were a lot of little details. Primary among them were headers and footers, which I fussed with the most. After that was justifying the text. Justifying is a bit different than being just left-aligned. This paragraph, for example, is the only justified one in this entire post. Justified is what all books do. When I was proofreading Dusted the paragraphs were making me crazy as I couldn't quite figure out, only when I had nearly reached the end did I figure out what it was. For those of you unfamiliar with paragraph formats (as well as various visual examples) you can check it out on Wikipedia here.

Also, something else important to note is the difference between straight and curly quotes.


It was something that I wasn't even aware of at the time and had completely missed in Dusted, and so it had a mix of the two, sometimes within a single sentence. To learn more (as well as fix it) read this.


It's Going to be Expensive

This is the only one that I really expected. In fact, it was looking at my account balance that I said to myself "It's time."

It's time to buy mah self a fancy new cardboard box.
The price will vary depending on the size of the book you want to publish. My total has been $46.55 over the course of 3 months and that's without it being finished. This has been entirely in the name of editing (of course, if you subtracted my mistake it would have been much cheaper.)


Shipping Will Take Forever

I've gotten a bit spoiled regarding shipping thanks to Amazon's speedy methods, so anything that takes more than a week makes me twitchy. My last order of proof copies, for example, took 8 days.

Your Book Going to be Bigger (and Smaller) Than You Thought

First, I mentally cringe when people announce "I've written X number of pages on my manuscript!" because Microsoft Word is not an indicator of how many pages it's really going to be. Microsoft word has tons of information per page because it's a file in a computer. This is why I use word count instead of pages. Microsoft Word Dusted has 134 pages. Paperback Dusted has 316 pages, which is more than double the amount Word is telling me. So, if you rely on page count, you are selling yourself short. Throw that method away and use word count from now on.

But I digress, I was planning to talk about literal book sizes.

I was lucky that my brother happened to own some books by an author who published through Createspace. Because of him I was able to do some measuring.

Yes, measuring. The whole time I've been working with Createspace I've kept a ruler handy. They have multiple different sizes to choose from. I chose two different sizes: their smallest recommended size and their largest recommended size.

Originally I chose the largest recommended (6"x9") because that was the same one as the Createspace book I had seen before. This was the wrong version one, my Oops Book. Part of the problem with it was that it was double-spaced, making it artificially larger with a page count of 387. The correct version, while having a higher word count, was technically smaller by being single-spaced.

As a result my page count for a 6"x9" was, I believe, somewhere just under two hundred pages.

Meanwhile, the smallest recommended size of 5"x8" would have 316 pages.

While I haven't figured out the exact math, I know Createspace charges per page. At this point I had an option: Do I choose the cheaper, larger, and thinner 6"x9" or do I go with the slightly more costly, smaller, and thicker 5"x8"?

Ultimately I chose the smaller one for psychological reasons. While it only costs about a dollar more to publish you feel like you're getting more. A small fat book feels like it has more story and more bang for your buck than a large thin one, thus leading to the possibility of more sales.

Like this, but with pages.


Would one more inch of height and width make that much of a difference? Here is a picture of the two I have. I meant to have them lined up, but I must have bumped the top one a bit before taking the picture.



In case you are curious, Dusted currently clocks in at 75,800 words and, with a 5"x8" size, is 2.2cm thick (book thickness is the most unpredicable factor.)

Also, while I was taking pictures I decided on one more. Another option Createspace has for pages is White or Cream. For the Oops Book I ordered white, but decided to try cream for the next ones. White feels too harsh on my eyes, but it's more of a personal preference. Here's the difference:

And now all you can think about are mashed potatoes and egg rolls.


Buy More Copies Than You Think You Want or Need

My brother and I shared a copy between us, though it was a pain and I wish we'd each had our own copies. My original plan was 1 proof copy, which was the goof up one. My second attempt I ordered 2 proofs, the plan being one to sit pretty on my shelf and the other to get marked up. Instead my brother gave my "sitting pretty" copy to a coworker (with my permission of course). My third time, after extensive edits, I ordered 4 copies.

I think a good rule is to think of everyone you are going to give a copy to proof read (this includes yourself!), an optional "sit pretty" if you so desire, and then always add +1 copy for whatever may come up.

Giving out that proof copy to a few select people has the added advantage that there are more people who would be willing to beta read my next manuscript.




So, with all of these problems, how is it really worth it? Here are a couple of reasons

People Are More Likely to Proofread Your Book

Only three people ever proofread Dusted three years ago before it was published on Kindle:  Me, my dad, and a nice woman by the name of Stephanie. Stephanie, however, was paid for her work and provided with copy of Dusted that was printed out using my home printer. Not exactly ideal.

With plans of a paperback proof copy I suddenly have lots of people who are willing to beta read who wouldn't before. My mother is going to proofread it, you guys. This is huge.

!!!???


People Are More Likely To Buy Your Book

The following conversation has happened so often that I have lost track of how many times exactly.

"I have a book published!"
"Cool! Where can I buy it?"
"It's on Amazon for Kindle."
"Oh, darn. I don't have a Kindle."

I do explain Kindle for PC to them but let's be honest here, no one really wants to sit at their computer and read a book. It's been those times that I have actually felt myself lose a sale. Most of all, it's the local people, the friends/family/coworkers, that would be spreading the word of my book. So not only do I lose their sale, I lose the potential of more sales. It was a few months ago that I'd finally had enough and decided I actually needed to expand into the paperback market if I was going to sell myself as a local author.

It's Just Awesome

It's a giddy thrill to be holding an actual copy of something I wrote. To run my hands over the cover, the spine. I can flip through pages at random and read familiar scenes. It's something tangible I can hold and say to myself "I made this!"

There's nothing else like it.

Meh, it's not the same.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Freedom to Publish Dreck

We might err a bit on the adult side here because I'm going to be talking about some adult genres. I'll try to keep it PG-13, but feel free to cover your children's eyes and pop your monocles.


Back in 2013 there was a bit of a stir on Amazon regarding "Monster Erotica" when it was banned despite some books in the genre being available on the Kindle market for over a year. What is Monster Erotica exactly? It is anything that involves hanky-panky between humans and Bigfoot, dinosaurs, minotaur, centaur, Pegasus, ectetera, you get the idea.


No, seriously.
Some of the books manage to get republished on Amazon simply by changing their cover and/or title, which is likely why I managed to find this one. I both agree and disagree with the banning. I agree with it because of simple squick factor, and that you have to draw the line somewhere.

Primarily though? I disagree on the ban.

Is the problem reputation? No. Kindle publishing is quickly being seen as the scum pond of the publishing world (and I feel that goes double with the introduction of profiting off fanfiction via Kindle Worlds) so they're not doing much to clean up their overall reputation.

Are they losing money by stocking monster erotica on their digital shelves? Heck no, they do nothing but profit from all Kindle Books (they get either 70% or 30% depending upon what you gain in royalties) so it is nothing but a gain for them.

Most importantly, I believe that people should be allowed to publish whatever garbage they want. You know why? Because the readers are going to decide what's popular. Christie Sims is apparently the example author for monster erotica and her most popular book only has 66 reviews. Buyers aren't going "Oh good, I've been looking for a new stegosaurus slut book to make my neither regions tingly!"

There goes that monocle again.
They're buying it as a joke, they're buying it for shock factor. When I look up "Monster erotica" in the Books section and see the "Sort by average customer review" this is what I get

Four star and up: 961
Three star and up: 1270
Two star and up: 1415
One star: 1514

Simply put, these books are crap and banning them isn't going to do a lot because no one is deliberately seeking them out in the first place.

Another important factor to consider is what constitutes "Monster" exactly? Anything unnatural? Sure! Well that ban was so easy I get to punch out early!

Except...

Oh.
And...

Hmm.
Also...

Can't forget those sexy witches!

100 years ago vampires would have fallen right in with the rest of the monstrous creatures.

Hawt.

Werewolves are also, technically, monsters. Though you'll notice there tends to be an unspoken rule that a werewolf never gets his sexy on unless he's in human form. Where do angels fall in the category? Zombies? Faeries? Elves? How about we mix a little science fiction in and include robots?

Banning monster erotica is an all-or-nothing deal, and being selective only causes more problems than it solves for a publisher who doesn't believe in a slush pile.

Like anything else being sold in this world, no matter how much advertising is done or even how good or bad it might be, the consumers will decide the ultimate fate.