Something I Wrote Ten Years Ago

I don't even remember writing this. Anyway, enjoy!

The world is my videogame.

            Every morning I wake up and put on my Clothes of Cold Resistance +2, this is followed by the loading of the level known as Bathroom. After I have completed that level I go through a couple of other pointless levels, they’re mostly for extra powerups but I don’t need them right now. I stumble into level 5, Kitchen, and acquire item Cereal, this isn’t in my inventory long since I combine it with another item I find called milk, together these create a single, but powerful, item known as Breakfast. Thanks to Breakfast my Strength and Constitution have both gone up a point.

            After an hour it is time to make coffee for Player One and Player Two before they wake up, this gives them +2 Speed and makes them immune to sleep effects. Due to the experience of making the coffee I level up. I learn new feats called Resist Boredom and Pour Liquid.

            Player Three, known as my brother Rob, comes back from the world map and informs me that the goats have gotten out! I rush outside there they are! I wait for things to get all blurry, indicating battle mode, but it never comes so I unsheathe my Battlestick and wait for my time bar to rise so that it will be my turn.

            It never comes, and my legs are getting tired from holding myself in a dynamic pose, so I run up and grab one of the goats, taking it back to its pasture. The loading time was horrible.

            I gain experience but then realize I forgot to put on my Coat of Freeze Resistance, I’ve been taking Ice damage this whole time! I look down to try and see how many hitpoints I have left but I can’t see them, up, down, left, right, there doesn’t seem to be a display. Well, I figure perhaps you can’t see them in the world map; I already tried opening the menu anyway.

            The day goes on, some days we travel in a car to town, why we don’t just take the airship is beyond me, other days we just sit around and do nothing. Good thing I learned my Resist Boredom, I use the feat and find a book to read.

            It’s ten minutes to bedtime and I use item Toothbrush, I have gained Resistance to Plaque for twelve hours! I walk up to my bed and wait for the “Sleep?” text to come up but it never does, what kind of video game is this? I climb into bed and fall sleep expecting a little piano tune to play.

            Tomorrow is another day, another set of levels in the video game of life.