Saturday, August 30, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
An Open Apology to Billy Burke
Dear William Albert Burke,
You suck.
At least, that's what I used to think.
Yeah, I saw you in Twilight and, like Charlie Swan in the novel, you were just as soulless and forgettable as every other character.
Of course, working with Kristen Stewart tends to cause that to people. The thing is, it's always permanent damage. For example, Robert Pattinson was awesome in Harry Potter, but has promptly sucked since then. You want to know my theory of how you blended in with the vapid crowd of Twilight, yet managed to escape unscathed?
The mustache.
Yes, Willy, (I can call you Willy, right? Oh fine, Billy it is...) as you were on the set of Twilight, you were smart to have grown a mustache. There was no other way to resist the dumb that permeated the very air but to filter it through your lip weasel.
That's right, I noticed that no other actors in the Twilight movies have flavor savers, and that you specifically grew yours for the Twilight movies, subsequently shaving it off once they were all finished, leaving your sanity intact.
Sure, I didn't recognize you when you were in Revolution, but I knew I was in love the moment I saw you.
Though your pushbroom was doomed, it saved you, and through saving you, gave me a far better respect for you after seeing you in your true form.
So I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Billy, to both you and your deceased snot mop, for ever having doubted you.
You suck.
At least, that's what I used to think.
Yeah, I saw you in Twilight and, like Charlie Swan in the novel, you were just as soulless and forgettable as every other character.
 |
| His arms are around her but his eyes are dead |
Of course, working with Kristen Stewart tends to cause that to people. The thing is, it's always permanent damage. For example, Robert Pattinson was awesome in Harry Potter, but has promptly sucked since then. You want to know my theory of how you blended in with the vapid crowd of Twilight, yet managed to escape unscathed?
The mustache.
 |
| Behold... |
That's right, I noticed that no other actors in the Twilight movies have flavor savers, and that you specifically grew yours for the Twilight movies, subsequently shaving it off once they were all finished, leaving your sanity intact.
Sure, I didn't recognize you when you were in Revolution, but I knew I was in love the moment I saw you.
| Platonic love, of course. (You're the black cat.) |
Though your pushbroom was doomed, it saved you, and through saving you, gave me a far better respect for you after seeing you in your true form.
 |
| How does your sword always manage to stay so clean? |
So I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Billy, to both you and your deceased snot mop, for ever having doubted you.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
The Night Club Scene
You can't judge a book by its cover, but you can judge an urban fantasy series by its Night Club Scene (henceforth known as NCS because I'm lazy.)
It's practically an obligation of urban fantasy writers to have a raving, pulse-pounding, light-strobing, night club filled with sweaty, hollow-eyed, scantily-clad, club-goers. After three or four different books including a NCS you start to roll your eyes (I specifically avoided a night club in Dusted because the main characters are underage, and I felt a Steampunky honky-tonk bar set the better tone for a group of war-tired fighters just trying to have a day off.)
Hexed, by Kevin Hearne, is what brought night club scenes to my attention in the first place. The main character walks in and then promptly walks out, a literal U-turn. Granted, there's some throw-down just outside the club, but it's not set to bass music thumping rhythmically. So, for kicks and giggles, here are listings of night clubs in books I've read:
Kim Harrison's Hollows series:(Can't remember the name of the club (which sounds an awful lot like a line in a Lady Gaga song.)
MaryJanice Davidson's Betsy the Vampire Queen series: Scratch.
Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse series: Fangtasia, probably the most well-known example, but certainly not the first.
Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series: Zero (there are a couple of others, but they vary in classines.)
Barbra Annino's Opal Fire: The Opal (and it gets set on fire at the very beginning, go figure,) as well as a rival night club.
Cassandra Claire's Mortal Instruments series.
Books that I can't remember but probably do have night club scenes are Nightwalker by Jocelynn Drake and The Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs.
Night club scenes are also popular in YA (particularly near-future) science fiction), but tends to have less of an impact, probably has something to do with the fact that alcohol is served there, and main characters of YA fiction tend to be more morally upstanding because teenagers emulate everything and everyone they like.
Think of some of the examples of night club scenes you've come across and use that to see if it reflects the tone of the rest of the book. I've found that the NCS gives you a good idea of where the story is going to go, and what kind of person the main character is. The scene can be dark, mysterious, sexy, the cliches, but it can also be action-packed or even kind of goofy, or embarrassing to the main character.
A great way to figure out who a character is would be to mentally plop them in the middle of a night club and gauge their reaction. I've got some characters that would U-turn, some that would join in dancing, and others that would just sidle up to the bar and hope the night is over soon (and one that would pickpocket everyone she bumps into, but she's not allowed into clubs anymore.)
It's practically an obligation of urban fantasy writers to have a raving, pulse-pounding, light-strobing, night club filled with sweaty, hollow-eyed, scantily-clad, club-goers. After three or four different books including a NCS you start to roll your eyes (I specifically avoided a night club in Dusted because the main characters are underage, and I felt a Steampunky honky-tonk bar set the better tone for a group of war-tired fighters just trying to have a day off.)
Hexed, by Kevin Hearne, is what brought night club scenes to my attention in the first place. The main character walks in and then promptly walks out, a literal U-turn. Granted, there's some throw-down just outside the club, but it's not set to bass music thumping rhythmically. So, for kicks and giggles, here are listings of night clubs in books I've read:
Kim Harrison's Hollows series:(Can't remember the name of the club (which sounds an awful lot like a line in a Lady Gaga song.)
MaryJanice Davidson's Betsy the Vampire Queen series: Scratch.
Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse series: Fangtasia, probably the most well-known example, but certainly not the first.
Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series: Zero (there are a couple of others, but they vary in classines.)
Barbra Annino's Opal Fire: The Opal (and it gets set on fire at the very beginning, go figure,) as well as a rival night club.
Cassandra Claire's Mortal Instruments series.
Books that I can't remember but probably do have night club scenes are Nightwalker by Jocelynn Drake and The Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs.
Night club scenes are also popular in YA (particularly near-future) science fiction), but tends to have less of an impact, probably has something to do with the fact that alcohol is served there, and main characters of YA fiction tend to be more morally upstanding because teenagers emulate everything and everyone they like.
 |
| Which is why fans of Dusted are known to sew crappy homemade vests. |
Think of some of the examples of night club scenes you've come across and use that to see if it reflects the tone of the rest of the book. I've found that the NCS gives you a good idea of where the story is going to go, and what kind of person the main character is. The scene can be dark, mysterious, sexy, the cliches, but it can also be action-packed or even kind of goofy, or embarrassing to the main character.
A great way to figure out who a character is would be to mentally plop them in the middle of a night club and gauge their reaction. I've got some characters that would U-turn, some that would join in dancing, and others that would just sidle up to the bar and hope the night is over soon (and one that would pickpocket everyone she bumps into, but she's not allowed into clubs anymore.)
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