A Sunday Adventure Featuring Footloose, Brony Baristas, and a Zombie.

As you may or may not know I'm quite religiously inexperienced. My parents raised me under no specific beliefs and allowed me to think upon it and decide for myself. I've pretty much made my choice a long time ago, and continued to build upon it from there, but it's always interesting to experience new things.

Deciding to do something different, my dad took my brother and I to a Nazarene Church, which is apparently a Footloose religion that doesn't allow dancing (at least, so I've heard.) Being night-shift I go to bed at about 5am usually, service started at 9. Coupled with the fact that I had worked a long night Friday and got uneasy sleep, meant the whole thing had kind of a sleep-deprived wackiness to it.

Now, the area I live in is about 99.99% Mormon, so if you know anything about them picture growing up surrounded by them, but not being one.

Around here we have shirts that say "BYU Idaho" which mean the same thing.

So, first stepping into the church, I immediately fell to me knees and screamed "THANK YOU JESUS!"

Was it a divine revelation?

No.

...I just smelled the coffee.

Sweetened with the love of our Lord.

The place had a little coffee bar (plus juice and tea and muffins) and it was set up more like a cafe. They played some acoustic guitar group of three people and sang a little like a holy karaoke. The whole time I'm switching my attention span between the music and a picture of Jesus with open/closed eyes that followed you around the room.

Still not as creepy as Potato Jesus though.

Sometime during the singing one woman holds her hand up and I think at first that she's trying to gesture to a friend of hers to say hi. However, on the far side opposite her is an older woman doing it while her eyes are closed. Toward the end of the singing about ten percent were holding their hands up. At that point I start to wonder if I missed the memo.

Maybe they were all directing traffic?

Overall it was an interesting experience, although I don't know if I could consistently deprive myself of sleep like that. Still, the people were very friendly and nice and it looks like a great place to meet people.

Afterwards we went to a place called Villa Coffeehouse, a place I read about in a blog called Lost in Idaho (Hilarious reading about a guy moving from California to live in Idaho Falls, but a some of his subject matter is NSFW, so you've been warned.)

The barista was a Brony, judging by the hat he wore (he also had a Pokemon belt, but that never came up), and he was an interesting guy to talk to. I've never really been to more than just a Starbucks inside of a Barnes and Noble, like a little caffeinated tumor. So this was really interesting, and it had a group of people that I thought didn't really exist in Idaho Falls. I even saw a couple of girls who had some light PDA while waiting for their espressos. At least, I assume gazing deeply and gentle petting means they're more than roomies.

I think it would be rather interesting to see what the place is like in the evening on a weekday.

Afterwards I got home and crashed for about three hours. As much as I still wanted to sleep I knew any more would only mess up my sleep schedule more than it already was. So I dragged my feet into the kitchen and decided now was the time to try some Zombie Cure tea.

That's right kids, the zombie craze has infected tea now, and it is deliciously awesome.

Normally I'm pretty much exclusively a chai drinker, but when I first opened my little bag of Zombie Cure I already knew I was in for something good. It has a sweet, caramelly smell, which is the kind of teas I enjoy. It tasted the same way it smelled, going perfectly with milk and sugar. Best of all? It woke me right up and kept me going for hours.

So, in all, it was an interesting day.

If you hear me snoring, however, don't wake me.

Omniscent Versus Limited

I've already mentioned before about first and third person (as well as the abhorrent second person) but third person has yet another branching option, one of which is better left to people better at explaining things than myself.

http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2012/11/third-person-omniscient-vs-third-person.html

Books to Read When You Have Book Depression

I really love dystopian books, especially of the YA variety. The problem is, sometimes they really start to get to me and I find myself getting something I just now named Book Depression. It's basically feeling depressed from having read a really sad or depressing story, and now you need something to contrast all the bleak (but utterly good) books you've been reading lately.

Here's what happened to me.

I guess it must have started when I read Allegiant by Veronica Roth. After mowing through the Wayward Pines trilogy by Blake Crouch and chasing it with The Giver Lois Lowry, I then read The Witches of Worm by Zilpha Snyder, some of Dirty Magic by Jaye Wells and most of Moth by Daniel Arenson (I also apologize for my list of hipster indie books.)

My dad says I use this picture too much.

I had just started Enclave by Ann Aquirre. The story starts in a dank, grey subway tunnel. I was interested, but also felt myself going "Unnnngh" as I could feel the depression of the story kicking right in. I only made it a couple of pages when I knew I had to stop.

What could I read that would kick my spirits back into high gear though? One immediately came to mind and, after some thought, I managed to compile a list of books that I would give to someone if they said they wanted a more happy read.

Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She's Dead

This one is a favorite of mine on my Kindle, and the very first ebook I ever read two years ago almost to the day of this post, so it has really stuck with me. It's got a funny cast of characters, a "bad to worse" situation, and manages to give you whiplash through it's flawless combination of comedy and horror. This was the one I grabbed when I was feeling down from an overload of dystopia. Best of all, there's a brand new sequel!


Undead and Unwed by Maryjanice Davidson

 It's the perfect mix of vampires and humor. The story brings the laughs and never takes itself too seriously.

Hounded by Kevin Hearne

While not an outright comedy it's a very lighthearted story most of the time, which is why I would actually recommend it over Dresden Files in terms of overall happy factor. Plus, the author is a complete, lovable nerd, and it shows in every page.

Ithanalin's Restoration

I have almost no memory of this book, but it's been on my shelf for over ten years. Any book about a wizard turning himself into runaway furniture and his apprentice reversing the spell has to be a good way to lighten up your reading.



I have a big stack of dystopian books ahead of me, so I would love to hear about some more happy reads to keep me going in between the dark ones!

How Writers Think

An Open Apology to Billy Burke

Dear William Albert Burke,

You suck.

At least, that's what I used to think.

Yeah, I saw you in Twilight and, like Charlie Swan in the novel, you were just as soulless and forgettable as every other character.

His arms are around her but his eyes are dead

Of course, working with Kristen Stewart tends to cause that to people. The thing is, it's always permanent damage. For example, Robert Pattinson was awesome in Harry Potter, but has promptly sucked since then. You want to know my theory of how you blended in with the vapid crowd of Twilight, yet managed to escape unscathed?

The mustache.

Behold...

Yes, Willy, (I can call you Willy, right? Oh fine, Billy it is...) as you were on the set of Twilight, you were smart to have grown a mustache. There was no other way to resist the dumb that permeated the very air but to filter it through your lip weasel.

That's right, I noticed that no other actors in the Twilight movies have flavor savers, and that you specifically grew yours for the Twilight movies, subsequently shaving it off once they were all finished, leaving your sanity intact.

Sure, I didn't recognize you when you were in Revolution, but I knew I was in love the moment I saw you.



Platonic love, of course. (You're the black cat.)

Though your pushbroom was doomed, it saved you, and through saving you, gave me a far better respect for you after seeing you in your true form.

How does your sword always manage to stay so clean?

So I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Billy, to both you and your deceased snot mop, for ever having doubted you.

The Night Club Scene

You can't judge a book by its cover, but you can judge an urban fantasy series by its Night Club Scene (henceforth known as NCS because I'm lazy.)

It's practically an obligation of urban fantasy writers to have a raving, pulse-pounding, light-strobing, night club filled with sweaty, hollow-eyed, scantily-clad, club-goers. After three or four different books including a NCS you start to roll your eyes (I specifically avoided a night club in Dusted because the main characters are underage, and I felt a Steampunky honky-tonk bar set the better tone for a group of war-tired fighters just trying to have a day off.)

Hexed, by Kevin Hearne, is what brought night club scenes to my attention in the first place. The main character walks in and then promptly walks out, a literal U-turn. Granted, there's some throw-down just outside the club, but it's not set to bass music thumping rhythmically. So, for kicks and giggles, here are listings of night clubs in books I've read:

Kim Harrison's Hollows series:(Can't remember the name of the club (which sounds an awful lot like a line in a Lady Gaga song.)

MaryJanice Davidson's Betsy the Vampire Queen series: Scratch.

Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse series: Fangtasia, probably the most well-known example, but certainly not the first.

Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series: Zero (there are a couple of others, but they vary in classines.)

Barbra Annino's Opal Fire: The Opal (and it gets set on fire at the very beginning, go figure,) as well as a rival night club.

Cassandra Claire's Mortal Instruments series.



Books that I can't remember but probably do have night club scenes are Nightwalker by Jocelynn Drake and The Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs.

Night club scenes are also popular in YA (particularly near-future) science fiction), but tends to have less of an impact, probably has something to do with the fact that alcohol is served there, and main characters of YA fiction tend to be more morally upstanding because teenagers emulate everything and everyone they like.

Which is why fans of Dusted are known to sew crappy homemade vests.

Think of some of the examples of night club scenes you've come across and use that to see if it reflects the tone of the rest of the book. I've found that the NCS gives you a good idea of where the story is going to go, and what kind of person the main character is. The scene can be dark, mysterious, sexy, the cliches, but it can also be action-packed or even kind of goofy, or embarrassing to the main character.

A great way to figure out who a character is would be to mentally plop them in the middle of a night club and gauge their reaction. I've got some characters that would U-turn, some that would join in dancing, and others that would just sidle up to the bar and hope the night is over soon (and one that would pickpocket everyone she bumps into, but she's not allowed into clubs anymore.)

Dusted Gets a Facelift

I've been talking about it for a while now and it was about a month ago when I did it.

Out with the old...

 And in with the new!

To me both covers are gorgeous, but I feel like the second one grabs attention better. As far as I know anyone who has already purchased the book will keep the old cover, while the new one will show up to new buyers. I also made a few minor grammar and spelling edits as well as extra disclaimer/legalese while I was at it. You can check out the new cover on Amazon here!